i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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