A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
