And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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