I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
