On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
