He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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