bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
