someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Jerry, you need to find god
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
