Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
