we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
