Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
