Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
