we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
