I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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