Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
