Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
