Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
