Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
