I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
