Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
