Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
