I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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