Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
