Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
