im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
