yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
