Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
