Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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