mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
