My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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