I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
