just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
