Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We need to get me chipped asap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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