He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
