sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
