We named our party play list daddy issues
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
