We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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