cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
