hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
