My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
