You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
