That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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