I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
