8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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