I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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