my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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