The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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