Soap is not a condiment
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
