i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
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