I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
