Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
